A Girl, a Dog, and a Magician

by Trashbag Ponchos



Our debut record! Also just know that not all opinions in each song/lyric is expressed by everyone in the band. We mostly just come up with something off the top of our heads, and the first thing that rhymes we go with.


released October 22, 2016

All music and lyrics by Trashbag Ponchos
Recorded by Tyler Dreher and Cole Juckette
Engineered, Mixed, and Mastered by Tyler Dreher
Album Artwork by Kelsie Rotert

A Del Rio Records production



all rights reserved


Trashbag Ponchos Lincoln, Nebraska

We play folk-punk jams in Nebraska.

Cole Juckette - Vocals/Mandolin/Percussion

Andreas Miles - Guitar/Vocals

Luke Glassman - Bass/Vocals

Eric Larson - Vocals/Uke/Harmonica/Trumpet
... more

contact / help

Contact Trashbag Ponchos

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Nice
Verse 1: (chords E-A)
I just wanna be nice.
I just wanna have fun in school,
I wanna listen to my mom and tell her that’s she’s cool.
Respect of all my elders and keep my nose out of the Elmer’s glue.

Chorus: (chords: c#m-bm-E-A)
If I have any advice to last you your whole life,
It’s always do your best to be nice.

Verse 2: (chords: E-A)
Always keep your promises, learn your states and provinces,
Never show up late to a dinner.
Try not to be a prick, even if your dad’s a dick,
And always tell your girl she’s getting thinner.


Bridge: (chords: E-A-bm-c#m, E-A-bm)
Oh but people are terrible and really, really awful,
You’ll never know what they’ll do to you.
So if you have to be an asshole (a dirty, dirty asshole!),
Then that’s just what you’re gonna have to do.

Track Name: Kellin the Unicorn Puppet
Verse 1: (chords: G-C)
Remember ending that first summer?
That evening was a bummer, just knowing that I had to go.
Three hours ain’t so far when I’m driving in my car,
On my way to another show.

Pre-chorus: (chords: em7-Cadd-G-F#/D)
The seasons aren’t so strange when all the colors change,
But it doesn’t tell me how to feel ‘bout you.
There’s a pounding in my head (Dude just go to bed).
So I’ll take another drink or two.

Chorus (chords: G-Cadd9-Aadd#9, G-Aadd#9-Cadd9)

Verse: (chords: G-C)
My friends don’t even like you (yeah you’re pretty awful).
My friends don’t even like your personality.
But at least they think you’re pretty (pretty fucking awful).
Ain’t that the real tragedy?

Refrain: (chords: G-C)
You’re pretty face is my disgrace,
And I keep getting back on the wrong track.
This isn’t healthy, my brain’s on empty,
I’m admitting that you should go.
(You shouldn’t be here anyway!)

Pre-chorus: (chords: em7-Cadd-G-F#/D)
I make the same mistakes and I let them culminate,
Into another running joke (It’s not that funny).
I start to realize when I’m stuck between your thighs,
You’re just another notch in the bedpost.
(Another line in the song).

Chorus (chords: G-Cadd9-Aadd#9, G-Aadd#9-Cadd9)

Bridge: (chords: G-C)
The only thing that makes me feel better,
Are the moments when I start to forget her.
(But when you let in her in our home, when you should be alone,
Jesus Christ I wish we never even met her.)

Track Name: Light in the Attic
Chords: E-A, E-B

Verse 1:
It’s four a.m. and it’s fucking cold,
The lights are on so I know you’re home,
My keys are by the kitchen phone,
Where I left them the night before.

The last two days we didn’t speak,
And this is the third time this week,
That you left me out here by the porch.

Your sister Anne can die in a fire,
Don’t believe what she says about me, she’s a liar
I wouldn’t touch her if she paid me, I’d rather die.

Wake up, wake up, please come outside,
I’m drunk as hell and I want inside,
You’ve locked me out the last goddamn time,
(It’s not a crime, this house is mine!)

Wake up, wake up, I’ve lost my cool,
I’ll break the window if I need to,
I’m getting in if it’s the last thing I do,
You fuck with me and I’ll fuck with you!

Singin' “Naaa na na na na naaa!"
(Bush did 9/11!)
Singin' “Naaa na na na na naaa!"
(9/11! 9/11!)

Verse 2:
Even when you left for school,
I never was unfaithful to,
The girl that fucking hates me and my friends.

Keep your head down if you want,
And let me touch you once a month,
Is it any wonder why, i go to bars (and get the spins)?

This ring was the worst idea to date,
Besides the times we’d fornicate.
But at least I liked when you choked me there.



Track Name: God's Not Dead 3
Intro: (chords: em7-Cadd9-G-F#/D)
Verse 1: (chords: em7-G, em7-F#/D)
Signs up, backs to the pavement,
Wearing your religion like a fashion statement.
Always spouting lies to demonize the intelligent,
Fighting tooth and nail to keep humanity irrelevant.

Funny how you jump to fund our foreign wars,
But you’ll picket birth clinics and department stores.
You go around killing people praying on the floor,
But you can’t be there for those who need cared for.

Chorus: (chords: em7-Cadd9-G-F#/D)
God’s not dead but you’re killing Him slowly,
No corporate religion is gonna make me holy.
They all judge but they don’t even know me.
I’m sick, I’m sick, and I’m okay with it.

Verse 2: (chords: em7-G, em7-F#/D)
You need cash to keep your planes in the air.
So you steal from the people who think it gets them up there.
Salvation for the weak is the only remedy you preach,
So don't doubt me if I question your ability to teach.

Capitalism fights for your right to make profit,
Off of every sorry sucker that thinks they’re a zealot.
I used to think I fell short, but now I’m through,
Yeah you can have your bullshit and eat it too.


Bridge: (chords: F#/D-em7-Cadd9, G)
Oh, praise be to humanity.
They have their shit together, even when they’re on their knees.

Track Name: Missed Appointments
Intro: (chords: C-F)

Verse 1: (chords: C-F, A#-G, D-F-G)
Once upon a time, and lonesome ever after,
I hope you didn’t mind that I left out the middle.
But over time the story shows how I start to derail.

Chorus: (chords: C-gm, A-A7-gm-G)
Routine checks on my sanity are enough to make me whole,
But will I remember?

Interlude: (chords: C-F)

Verse 2: (chords: C-F, A#-G, D-F-G)
Practicing monogamy with myself and shame (all the same).
Solitude and apathy is the devil’s favorite game.
(All this pain)
Is wreaking havoc in this disregarded brain.


Verse 3: (chords: C-F, A#-G, D-F-G)
I hard reboot my consciousness as a temporary fix (shutting down).
Holding down the button, I’m losing my grip (oh no).
Waking up is easier than trying to forget.

Bridge: (chords: C-gm, D-G)
Injustice and recompense must find a common ground,
I’d rather have the headache than the scepter and the crown.
But drastic measures often lead to unintended ends.
So I’ve made discourse my enemy, and complacency my friend.

Outro: (chords: C-gm, A-A7-gm-G, C-gm, A-A7-Ab-gm, Ab-gm)
Routine checks on my sanity are enough to make me whole,
But should I remember?
Routine checks on my sanity are enough to make me whole,
And I will remember.
Track Name: MLBJ
Chords: E5-Badd4/D#-Bsus4-C#m7, E5-F#7sus4-C#m7-Bsus4)

Verse 1:
Went up to her apartment that night.
Spent the evening looking at art, that was alright.
She took me to her room, turned off all of the lights.
She said, “Take your pants off Luke, it’ll be alright.”

Chorus 1:
She said, “Think of baseball,
Think of the catcher, think of sad things, the fear of drowning,
Come up for air, don’t put your finger there.”

Verse 1:
Go deep, deep, inside your mind.
Think of all the things that keep you from good times.
All the fear, all the blame, all your paranoia, all your shame.

Chorus 2:
She said, “Think of baseball,
Think of the batter, focus on me, forget what don’t matter.
I love you, love me too.”

I saw your face, in the afterglow.
All the things, I will never know.
Like what to do with my hands?
I was at first base, second base, stealing third, then home plate.
Think of baseball.

But I don’t know baseball, none of the teams, none of the rules,
But she’s my angel, my LA Angel, is that team? No I don’t think so.
But there’s the Kansas City Royals,
And the Chicago Bears, shit, the Chicago Cubs.

And the Minnesota Twins, and the Lincoln Saltdogs.
Lincoln Saltdogs baseball.
Bases loaded, I exploded.
Making love and thinkin’ of baseball. Lincoln Saltdogs baseball.

*Lyrics subject to change as this song is improvised
Track Name: Keystone Ultralight Beams
Intro: (chords: D-A-G)

Verse 1: (chords: D-A-G)
It’s a shitty realization that your life expectancy can be tied to your wealth.
People are dying, children are starving,
And all you care about is your goddamn pipelines.

Chorus: (chords: D-A-G)
I wanna fuck you in the face, I wanna leave you in disgrace,
I want you off of every television in the United fucking States.
Why can’t you see it with your eyes?
What you ignore has no disguise.
The pain you cause is a symptom of all your greed and fucking lies.

Verse 2: (chords: F#-A-G)
29 years since the wall came down,
Some of the things I say are treason now.
Your indoctrination and alienation will only lead to pacification.
(We can’t speak for ourselves).

Track Name: My Travelog on Globalization and the Human Experience
Chords: C-am-F-G - outro: G-am-F-G

Verse 1:
Well I’ve been to California, where the grass is very brown,
'Cause all the agribusiness took the water from our ground.
We tried to rise in protest, but they surely shut us down,
And now they go to bed without the fear we’ll ever drown.

Yes I've been everywhere, I've seen the valleys and the springs.
I've seen the way we treat our animals and other human beings.
But what makes me the most sad is what isn't clearly seen,
The dark inside of everyman where lies their wicked greed.

Verse 2:
And I've been to the east coast where the businessmen do lie,
I've seen them in their ivory towers set against the sky.
Clean suits and fancy cars do not make you a man,
Rather we love capitalism and burning the Qur'an.

And all throughout the midwest, the native lands are gone,
They’re swallowed up by factories and over watered lawns.
And how have we repaid them? I ask you to respond.
No bank note was ever wrote, to release them from their bonds.


Yes we are all a plague, we are a disease upon this earth.
You have no idea the shit you caused the moment of your birth,
Some of us are normal but some of us are worse,
Our best laid plans have turned this land into a fucking hearse.

If we give you one thing more, I'm sure you’ll take the lot.
'Till there's no ground to stand on, this place is all we’ve really got.
We're bleeding and we're broken, and our land has turned to rot
come, stand and fight with me, you’ll probably be shot.

Track Name: Shut Up (feat. Jesse Debolt)
Intro: (chords: Gadd2-em7-bm7#5/A-A9sus4)

Verse 1: (chords: Gadd2-em7-bm7#5/A-A9sus4)
You got a lot of nerve,
To tell me I don’t deserve to be happy anymore.
And I can only say that I’m sorry so many times,
Before my throat and lungs get sore.

Chorus: (chords: A7b11sus2sus4-Bm7#5/A-A9sus4-Gadd2)
And I promise you, that this time, I will be quiet.

Verse 2: (chords: Gadd2-em7-bm7#5/A-A9sus4)
And you don’t you dare run your mouth off again,
About where I belong, In this hell that is your plan.
‘Cause I’ve kept my fingers crossed enough for one lifetime,
And my hands get sorer everyday,
And it’s time I made demands.


Bridge: (chords: A7b11sus2sus4-Bm7#5/A-A9sus4-Gadd2)
I’d loved you dearly if you dared,
You were my girl with sunshine in your hair,
Breathing in the very air from my lungs.
The very air from my lungs.

And if keepin' my mouth shut, means I get to stay,
Then I'll sew my lips close at the start of everyday.
This body is your property, of that make no mistake.
If you don't turn around again, I'm bound to close the gate.

Track Name: Hipster Baby
Chords: E-bm-c#m-A

You were kinda cool, a little crazy.
You wanted to have a hipster baby.

I was sweet, and you were kind.
But you listened at my door after nine.

Your bootcut jeans, and your mom haircut,
Are the reasons that we probably broke up.

Hipster baby, please don’t come to term for me.
Hipster baby, stay inside those ovaries.
Track Name: The Ballad of Mountain Boy and Valley Lad
Chords: yeah we aren't gonna bother with this

Up in the mountains way up high,
There lived a boy who made a famous pie.
His name was Mountain Boy.
He feared no man, he feared no beast,
And potted plants he feared the least. Mountain Boy.

Down in the valley far below,
Where no one else dared to go, lived Valley Lad.
Valley lad was sly and quick,
He grew great fruit that was his trick (Valley Lad and special fruit).

Mountain boy knew the fruit was the best in all the land,
With such a prize he knew his pies could be twice as grand.
In the night he stole a bite from the Valley Lad.
He made a pie so very good, it made the heavens mad.

So god and all of his angels came down from the sky.
They came to judge the living, the dead, and the maker of this pie.
“This pie you made from stolen fruit, too great for mortal man.”
So God reached out and took the pie, with His immortal hand.

So Mountain boy said to the god,
“Please do not take this pie,
For if you eat a single slice, man will surely die.”
(Mountain Boy and the a-pie-calypse).

“I baked the hope and all the joy into a flaky crust,
and from the fruit grew the world, and it was very just.”
(Mountain Boy and the flaky crust).

God cared not for his pleas and he stole the fateful pie,
And with whipped cream and strawberries he condemned man to die.

“Mountain boy what have you done? You’ve surely doomed us all.
The pie was meant for balance son and now it goes to God.
I will not abandon you in your time of need,
For as the stories have foretold, it’s time to plant the seed.”

So Mountain Boy and Valley Lad they hashed a cunning plan,
To take back the cosmic pie and turn God into man.
From the seed grew a tree a thousand miles high,
Stretching through the mortal world and into heaven’s sky.

Another pie baked Mountain Boy and in his flaky crust,
He channeled man’s malice, his greed and his lust.
With the pie secured they scrambled over root, branch and bark.
To reach heaven’s table before dessert could start.

Through the mist they moved and across the clouds they crept.
Sneaking every quietly to the place where food was kept.
(Mountain Boy and the refrigerador).

With great skill and alacrity they switched the flaky pastries,
And to the tree they fled with their final prize.
As night turned to day, they finally got away,
And across the roof they fled Heaven’s prying eyes.

Without a thought he ate the pie, and it resigned him to his fate.
A thousand miles down he fell at a fairly lethal rate.
God’s time was done, the jig was up, he knew it in his human heart.
So he closed his eyes and held his breath to let the gravity tear him apart
Track Name: Lincoln Song
Intro: (chords: G-Dsus2-Cadd2)

Verse 1: (chords: G-Dsus2-Cadd2)
I’ve been takin' care of myself,
Best as I can when you’re around,
‘Cause you avoid me like the plague
Every time you come to town.

7 months passes,
In the blink of a dead man’s eye,
10,000 miles is too much when I cannot afford to fly.

Chorus: (chords: G-Dsus2-Cadd2)
Fuck you, I’ve never been better,
Fuck me, I’m gonna go get her.
Cold as the Nebraska snow
Is your heart when I’m home.

Best friends trippin' in the front yard,
(I’m here stuck on the phone with you)
I can’t keep keepin' on,
When you keep blowin’ me off, (chords: G-Cadd2-Dsus2)
Blowin’ me off.

Verse 2: (chords: G-Dsus2-Cadd2)
Sometimes find myself thinking,
Why won't you talk to me at all?
I kept every promise in my book,
But still you never call...

You cheated on her once,
With a girl named Jane.
She had a dog named death,
And a tattoo of David Blane.